MOURNING
Psychologist Maarkedal grief
Are you experiencing difficulties after a loss and seeking understanding and guidance? As a psychologist in Maarkedal, I support you in grieving, loss processing and long-term grief reactions. On this page you will find recognition signs, explanations of the grieving process and concrete steps to help deal with loss. Schedule an intake or read on for practical exercises and customized help.
WHAT IS GRIEF ?
When you are faced with loss, you begin to grieve. That means you Slowly getting used to the idea of loss and that you slowly come to understand the new situation. This is a natural and in itself healthy process!
That said, dealing with grief and loss can be very difficult. It hurts emotionally.
Grief can occur in any kind of loss. So, not only at the death of a loved one, but, for example, also at the death of a pet, divorce, resignation, illness, another body after cancer, ... .
Grief can be accompanied by a variety of (intense) symptoms.
There is no right or wrong. Everyone grieves in their own way.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL?
Despite the fact that everyone grieves differently, there are some common symptoms you can recognize. These symptoms are a normal reaction to loss.
We can divide the symptoms into two categories: mental and physical symptoms
PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS
Loss can cause many sadness and you may feel very gloomy. You may also feel especially guilty feelings because you feel you could have done more to prevent the loss OR because you actually experience relief because now your loved one no longer has to suffer.
Other psychological grief symptoms include: anger – loneliness – satisfaction – mulling – depressive symptoms – denial – concentration problems – thoughts of suicide – …
PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS
A grieving process is intense and takes a lot of energy. So it is also normal to feel feel tired , lifeless , suffer from headache and react passive responds.
BUT, it may also be that you are just overactive to avoid dealing with the loss.
Or maybe you Can't eat well anymore and you can't sleep because you fret a lot.
HOW DOES A GRIEVING PROCESS UNFOLD ?
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described 5 phases that people go through in whole or in part to regain peace after a traumatic experience. These phases are not equally intense for everyone, and the order also often differs.
Everyone, as mentioned earlier, processes grief in their own way.
- Disclaimer
- Protest and anger
- Negotiating and fighting
- Sadness, depression
- Acceptance
WHEN IS IT BEST TO SEEK HELP ?
It makes sense to go through your healthy, albeit painful, grieving process for the first 3 or 4 months. After that time, you are normally more able to look at yourself and your emotions from a distance. Unless you :
- experienced loss has taken place in a traumatic way .
- don't quite know how to move forward with this pain, and you little or nosupport around you have!
After this time, it makes sense to seek help if you :
- in a short period of time have had to deal with multiple losses. There is then loss stacking, which is very tough to carry alone wear.
- a recent loss touches on a old loss
- the loss itself has taken place in a traumatic way has taken place.
- haven't been able to see the deceased person have not been able to see.
- other problems are still playing a role
(e.g. bad family relationships, psychological problems, financial problems,
unemployment, relationship problems,...)
- weighed down by a justified or unjustified guilt.
- the one hidden loss concerns: e.g. the death of someone
with whom you had a secret relationship.
– other reasons…
HOW DOES COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY HELP ?
First and foremost, I make space for you and your story.
If the time is right, we will map out together everything around your grieving process, but also around the circumstances in your life, and the characteristics of you as a person. In this way I can get to know your story and assess with you exactly where you are in your grieving process and how I can help you. Together we then decide where and how to proceed.
This can be done in several ways.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, among other things, you learn to deal with your loss processing and the grieving process differently by gradually exposing yourself to the pain of the loss. Writing assignments, such as a (farewell) letter or diary, and farewell rituals can be helpful.
TIPS
TIP 1 : TALK ABOUT IT
It can feel very supportive to talk to people about your feelings and the loss. This can be with a friend, a family member or a fellow sufferer, for example.
TIP 2 : REST AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
A grieving process can take a lot of energy from you. Then it is also extra important that you keep thinking about your health and well-being. Try to get enough sleep, eat well and do relaxing things that you enjoy (or normally enjoy).
TIP 3 : TAKE YOUR TIME
Allow yourself time to grieve. It is not normally a process that we go through all the time in our lives. Therefore, it is completely normal to not know how to deal with the loss at the beginning.
The grief can be permanent, but as time goes on you often learn to cope with the loss.
TIP 4 : DON'T LOCK YOURSELF AWAY
You need time to grieve, but that should not mean locking yourself away too much! It is important for your process that you stay in touch with friends and family or go out for a walk or bike ride, for example.
TIP 5 : HOW TO HELP AS A BYSTANDER ?
- It is good to Educate yourself around how a grieving process works (see above). well realizing that your loved one may feel better one day, cheerful and talkative, and somber and quiet the next.
- In addition trying to be there for that person. Someone who is grieving often feels very lonely and sad and needs support.... For example, you can call, visit or offer a listening ear.
- The Recognize feelings of the person and listen can be particularly supportive against the lonely feeling that grief brings. Certainly do not avoid it, but leave it up to the person to decide how much they wish to talk about it. It is important to show genuine interest in the other person's feelings.
- Be attentive and Ask if you can help with specifics. Don't say ‘let me know if you need anything’. But do e.g.: help in the household - take your loved one to do something nice - bring food by - watch children - help with funeral arrangements - ...
- Don't forget to support during the holidays (Christmas/old year/new year/birthday/...). By calling, inviting or letting them know you are there for them.
ASSOCIATIONS AND WORKINGS AROUND MOURNING
www.werkgroepverder.be : Flemish point of contact where you can go after a suicide of someone in your vicinityng
www.stiltekracht.be : working group for mourners aged 30 to 60 with partner loss
www.metlegehanden.be : working group for parents of a deceased baby
www.ovk.be : parents of crashed children
www.missingyou.be : operation for young people in mourning
LITERATURE AROUND GRIEF
Interesting literature around grief and loss can be found at this website link: www.rouwzorgvlaanderen.be/lectuur/
If you would like further conversation about your concerns, please feel free to contact me using the button below
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