Hope versus expectations
There is, in my opinion, a large difference between the concept of hope and the concept of expectations. Only...we often don't dwell on that. At least...I caught myself very hard this past year thinking that these are two completely different concepts.
In many cases, I think it is better to have hope, rather than expectations. Hope often gives courage and strength while we are well in touch with reality. Expectations can be calming when they are realistic and low...but often lead us to disappointment and frustration when they are too tight or too high.
I light it difference briefly on the basis of personal findings:
Hope
Last year, my sister was the victim of a serious traffic accident, which put her in the hospital and left her in a coma for several weeks. It was unclear if she would make it. If she would make it, we did not know what damage there would be. What would become of my sister? Would I ever be able to speak to her decently again if she came through this. Let us say that at the outset there was great helplessness. No control...no control over the course.
Setting expectations was not an issue at all. Only hope That she would still be there the next day. We had to leave it all somewhat in the hands of fate...and of course in the knowledge and experience of the medical staff. With that hope also went a lot gratitude paired. Every morning I called my mother with an anxious heart (because only she and my brother-in-law were allowed to visit and be contacted by corona in the beginning). And every day I was also grateful that another day was allowed and that the values remained stable. Long story short my sister got through it happily at ease. We are big lucky guys!
Hope was in itself a important support in the story. We were hoping for something that realistic could be, but which we realized we ourselves had no control over. We imagined the probable, and drew strength from that. We saw reality (my sister lying motionless in intensive care) and hoped she would pull through. There was also a constant state of readiness in the story. We did realize very well that we could get bad news at any time...no expectations!
Expectations
It's incredible, if you start paying attention, how many expectations (rather than hopes) we set in our daily lives. Somehow normal, because we are custom and like to have some predictability. For example, I am currently expecting that my husband will come home soon and we will have something to eat together. The chances are pretty good that that expectation will be met.
We certainly need our expectations in themselves. But ‘the devil is in the tail. Rather, expectations are harmful when they non-realistic his or a lower probability have to take place. Then you get disappointments and frustrations much faster.
A simple example presented itself this week. During a conversation with my husband, he suddenly looked at the sky very disappointed. He was expecting beautiful weather, and now...he would not be able to go cycling. He had been looking forward to it.
Realizing the difference between the two is very helpful. Because...we still decide for ourselves what we think (thoughts are not facts). And if we are allowed to be a bit at the helm here, it is helpful to be able to ‘switch’ in this.
Isabelle
